We all say it sometimes without realizing it — “That could never be me.” It is an easy thought to have when you hear about someone getting into an accident or making a choice that changed everything. But that same mindset is what often keeps people from stepping in when they see a friend about to take a risk. It is not that we do not care, but rather that we convince ourselves to think that everything will be fine.
I used to think speaking up was something you only needed to do in big, serious situations. But most of the time, it starts small. It is when your friends grabs their keys, even though they are too tired to drive. It is when someone says, “I’m fine,” but you know they are not. It is when you feel that quiet sense that something could go wrong, and you decide whether to ignore it or act on it.
A study I read by psychologists Latane and Darley explained why people hesitate in moments like these. They called it the “bystander effect.” It means that the more people there are around, the less likely anyone is to act, because everyone assumes someone else will. The same idea can happen even between two close friends. We tell ourselves it is not our place or that it is not as serious as it seems. But in reality, that hesitation can make all the difference.
I have been in those moments where it feels uncomfortable to say something. You start to wonder, What if they get mad? What if I’m wrong? But then I think about how much worse it would feel if something actually happened. Most of the time, people respect honesty more than silence. When you speak up, even in small ways, it reminds your friends that you care about them enough to say something when it matters.
The truth is, it takes more courage to stop someone for a second than to pretend you did not notice. Those seconds are what keep people safe. You never really know how much a small voice can change the outcome of a moment until you use it.
Source: Latané, B., & Darley, J. M. (1968). Group Inhibition of Bystander Intervention in Emergencies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Choices Over Consequences 