Choices Over Consequences

Tag: life

  • The Hardest Thing to Say

    We all say it sometimes without realizing it — “That could never be me.” It is an easy thought to have when you hear about someone getting into an accident or making a choice that changed everything. But that same mindset is what often keeps people from stepping in when they see a friend about to take a risk. It is not that we do not care, but rather that we convince ourselves to think that everything will be fine.

    I used to think speaking up was something you only needed to do in big, serious situations. But most of the time, it starts small. It is when your friends grabs their keys, even though they are too tired to drive. It is when someone says, “I’m fine,” but you know they are not. It is when you feel that quiet sense that something could go wrong, and you decide whether to ignore it or act on it.

    A study I read by psychologists Latane and Darley explained why people hesitate in moments like these. They called it the “bystander effect.” It means that the more people there are around, the less likely anyone is to act, because everyone assumes someone else will. The same idea can happen even between two close friends. We tell ourselves it is not our place or that it is not as serious as it seems. But in reality, that hesitation can make all the difference.

    I have been in those moments where it feels uncomfortable to say something. You start to wonder, What if they get mad? What if I’m wrong? But then I think about how much worse it would feel if something actually happened. Most of the time, people respect honesty more than silence. When you speak up, even in small ways, it reminds your friends that you care about them enough to say something when it matters.

    The truth is, it takes more courage to stop someone for a second than to pretend you did not notice. Those seconds are what keep people safe. You never really know how much a small voice can change the outcome of a moment until you use it.

    Source: Latané, B., & Darley, J. M. (1968). Group Inhibition of Bystander Intervention in Emergencies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

  • The Power of Choice

    The older I get, the more I realize that every decision, no matter how small or forgetable, says something about who I’m becoming. Between sports, school, and everything else going on, it’s easy to forget that even small decisions can shape who we are. I started reading and watching more about why people make the choices they do, and I came across this study called “Peer Influences on Adolescent Decision Making.” It immediately caught my attention because it explained something I think most teenagers feel but never really talk about.

    According to the study, when teens are around their friends, the reward center of the brain becomes more active, which makes risky behavior feel more exciting. Essentially, our brains are wired to make peer pressure feel good in the moment. Reading this makes me realize that saying no is not only about your willpower but understanding what is happening in your own mind. Once you understand this, you start to realize how much control you actually have. Keeping this in mind can make a crucial difference in your day-to-day decision making, and I have already started to notice it myself!

    I have also realized that it is easy to fall into moments that do not seem like a big deal at the time. Maybe it’s saying yes to something you’re unsure about, or staying quiet when you should speak up. But those moments can define us. I’ve noticed that the times I have stopped, thought, and made the safer choice ended up being the moments I was content with later on. The feeling of stress after a bad decision is something everyone understands – that pit in your stomach that makes you wish you could change something that is already in the past. Those moments are a remainder that even small choices can have actual lasting effects (especially as a chronic overthinker).

    I’ve made mistakes and learned from them, but I think that is the point. Every decision, good or bad, teaches you something about who you are and who you want to be.

    Source: Steinberg, L. (2008). Peer Influences on Adolescent Decision Making. Current Directions in Psychological Science.